Throughout my 30 plus years on this earth, I have learned what questions are appropriate and what questions are inappropriate to ask women. Most people know not to ask women their age or their weight, but there is one question that I have seen cause tremendous damage. I am begging everyone who is reading this to stop asking women, “WHEN ARE YOU HAVING KIDS?” I get why the question is asked, and I know there is no harmful intent behind this question. But the answer to the question could be more complicated than you would ever imagine.

First, many women choose not to have kids, so asking this question forces a woman to divulge a personal decision that should not have to be explained to you. Even after they justify their choice, they get interrogated when the answer doesn’t suffice to your liking. Why does a woman have to explain to you why she doesn’t have any kids?

Secondly, have you ever given thought that possibly she can’t have kids?
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), about 10 percent of women (6.1 million) in the United States ages 15-44 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant. I know you don’t think about this when you ask a woman when is she having kids, but this is why you should stop. I am writing this post because I had to endure this question for several years, and it sucked, it hurt. What even more, not being able to do a damn thing about your spouse getting pregnant. Every baby announcement or gender reveal just increased the pressure, and the burden of not having a kid got heavier and heavier.

I watched this question tear the person I love the most apart every time someone would utter those damn words, “WHEN ARE YOU HAVING KIDS?” Anyone who knows my wife and I knows we love kids and desired to have our own one day, little did we know how difficult fulfilling this desire would be. For me, it got to a point where I didn’t want to be around my friends with kids. It just served as a reminder that I might possibly never get that opportunity. I couldn’t give my wife the one thing she has always dreamed of having devastated me. If I felt this way, I can’t even imagine the weight my wife was under.

Fortunately for us, our dreams came true with the birth of my beautiful baby girl. But there are so many women out there, 6.1 million, that have to endure and answer one of the worst questions you can ask a woman. So, for the sake of women in your life, and women everywhere. STOP asking, “When are you going to have kids?”