A couple of months ago while in a staff meeting a colleague dropped a bomb that could have derailed months of planning for an upcoming event. Instead of responding with shock and anger, I merely acknowledged this new information and moved on with the meeting without missing a beat. After the meeting, many of my peers came to me wondering how did I keep my composure at that moment. The answer is simple, and it is the way I live my life, “Don’t let people control your emotions.”

Growing up I was a very emotional kid, and I wore it on my shoulders. Anything would make me blow up, I remember embarrassing my mother at a YMCA basketball game because I let my emotions get the best of me. I got fouled and screamed at the ref, and he immediately gave me a technical foul and accused me of swearing at him. I blew a gasket, the ref had total control of my emotions, I knew I didn’t swear because my mom was right there, I wasn’t that dumb to cuss (curse) in front of my mom. She would’ve jumped on the court and beat me a** in front of everyone. So when the ref accused me of this, I lost it. While at the free throw I threw the ball over the backboard. This is just one small example of how I used to allow people to control my emotions and get me upset over the tiniest thing.

Now in my 30s, I don’t let others actions and comments upset me. Even if the purpose of these actions is to cause harm or get a reaction I deny individuals this satisfaction. Almost no one can draw emotion out of me, only 2 people on this earth can do it; My wife, and my mom. After staying up late one night bothered and upset by an interaction with a peer, I made the commitment to stop giving other people power over me. I started to take ownership of my emotions. Once I made this decision my happiness and general well being improved. I made it my mission to learn how to respond and act in situations that are frustrating and emotional.

So how does one not allow people to control their emotions? First, make your wellness the number one priority. I chose happiness over anger, anger has always been my default (great topic to write about in the future). What is your default when you get into your feelings? Is it anger, sadness, self-pity, etc.? I got tired of being angry and upset, it was detrimental to my growth and overall wellness. I had to make taking care of myself my number one priority. Second, identify what makes you happy. Time with my wife makes me happy. Family makes me happy. Being happy makes me happy. Allowing anyone to alter my mood of being happy is now a non-negotiable. My happiness trumps whatever foolishness I am faced with. Lastly, think big picture? When all else fails I resort to thinking about what is important. Looking back at the meeting, ensuring students have the best experience was more important than getting upset at a wrinkle that could be ironed out. I started to realize a lot of things that got under my skin were small in the grand scheme of things. The big picture for me is life. I refuse to allow anyone or anything to get in the way of enjoying life.

Your emotions is power, and I encourage you not to give your power away to those that don’t deserve it. You might not be the controller of your destiny, but you can control how you choose to respond to people and situations. I completely understand the difficulty of keeping it together when someone says or does something bogus. But what is the cost? What do you give up when you relinquish control and empower someone who is underserving control of your emotions. Hopefully, these 3 difficult steps but doable steps will help you start to control how you respond to events and situations.