“You need to let that shit go!” Was the phrase my mom yelled at me as I introduced my grandfather to a friend of mine as my mother’s dad for the thousandth time. Here’s a little background, for far too long I held a grudge against my grandfather because of decisions he made in the past, often due to an illness, which is drug abuse. This illness made him do things that grandfathers just shouldn’t do but he was sick and I get that now. But a couple years ago, I held a grudge like piss on a road trip. My mom and wife always called me out for it because they couldn’t understand how a man who forgives everybody couldn’t forgive my grandfather.

Honestly, I had no answer. Maybe my expectations and the need for my grandfather was so high because before I graduated high school all my grandparents were physically and mentally gone; my grandfather is in this equation. My father’s dad passed away when I was 3, all I remember about my grandfather is a bald head man that gave me milk and cookies. My grandmothers were gone before I even turned 16. My grandparents never seen me graduate high school or college. They have no clue how far the kid who refused to pull up his pants has got. So, to have a living grandparent absent throughout all this, I had made up my mind; My grandparents are dead. Fast forward to the day my mom cussed me out, my grandfather was their looking me in eyes, sober and ever present for the last couple of years. Why was still acting like a 10-year-old? I had to let that shit go.

Outside of my grandfather I forgive everyone quickly and move on. Moving on doesn’t mean we cool and things will go back to normal. Just because someone comes back begging like Keith Sweat or Wanya doesn’t mean you go back and accept the same behavior. Moving on simply means I am past whatever happened, I’ve learned from it and I’m looking toward to a different future with or without you. Far too often we hold on to what someone did to us or to someone else which is truly unhealthy. Whenever that one person is in the room you all upset and they are usually happy and unbothered by your presence. Holding grudges allows people to control your emotions. Rule number one never let anyone control your emotions. Believe me, I understand people out in this world do a lot of fucked up stuff that hurts people. The only way to get pass this hurt is to forgive and move on.

I watch way too much Investigation Discovery (ID), if you have no clue what channel this is good for you. ID is 24/7 crime stories, the reason I bring this up is because you will find people whose lives have been ripped apart because murder forgive the murderers who took a loved one away. Forgiveness is refreshing it restores the part of you that was broken. You are forgiving who or whatever wronged you to get that piece of you back. I know it’s difficult to forgive someone who has stolen from you or broke your heart. But the only way to move on and not let that hurt damage future relationships is forgiving the person who hurt you in the first place.

I get it forgiveness is not easy, like with anything it takes time and practice to get it right. It’s easy for me to write these words because I live it. I simply remind myself what my mom said and not what Idina Menzel won a Grammy for. “You need to let that shit go!”