I can’t believe I am writing a think piece on interracial dating but Dr. Umar Johnson forced me to get this off my chest. Honestly, my wife and I have had our share of WTF moments as an interracial couple but I never was compelled to write or talk about it. Dr. Umar Johnson changed all that, for those that haven’t seen or heard his statement check the clip while I paraphrase the statement that upset me so much. Dr. Umar Johnson essentially said that a black man that marries a white woman or outside of his race is sending a clear message that he is not loyal to his own. He even discredited the work of Frederick Douglas because his second wife was white. Later in the same interview, he tried to put a qualifier saying that it’s ok depending on the consciousness of your partner’s race or ethnicity but even that was crazy. (You only have to listen to the first 1:20)

Look I grew in love with a beautiful intelligent Mexican woman. Yes, grew in love, I believe you grow to love someone not fall. You grow to love their good, bad, faults and their flaws.  When you fall in love, you skip a couple stages of getting to know that person and fall out of love just as fast. My wife has undoubtedly made me a better man while at the same time allowing me to be my true self even though I know it drives her crazy.  I’m not about to write 1,000 words about my thoughts and views on interracial dating or marriage. As a human with a fully developed brain, we have the option of choice so choose to love whoever you want but this is what I will say.

I believe you don’t get to choose who you grow in love with. Sure, we all have preferences but a preference is nothing more than liking something more than another. That doesn’t mean that what you like is what is right for you. I prefer to live in my own house but the reality is I have to rent an apartment. Call me a hopeless romantic but I believe there is one person that is meant for you and that might not be a person who matches your race or ethnicity. I never thought I would marry a Mexican simply because I had only dated Black women my whole life, also growing up in LA the Black and Brown tension was crazy (I’ll save that for another day). I didn’t go searching outside of my race for a wife but it happened.

By only allowing yourself to date those who look like you, I personally believe you cheat yourself out of a chance of finding true love and happiness. Some fear losing their culture, history or heritage when engaging in an interracial relationship but personally I found that to be the complete opposite. My wife has encouraged me to learn more about my history and culture than any woman before her. She strives to learn more about my culture as I learn more about hers. Our relationship didn’t wash us away from our culture but brought us closer.

Like I stated earlier you have the right to choose to date and love whoever you want. If you choose to only give people a shot who identify with you then cool but just because other people grew in love with someone of a different race doesn’t make them a self-hating individual.